There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
