smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize