True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
