i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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