So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
