Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
