i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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