I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
