happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
