apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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