If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
