I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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