I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
