She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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