Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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