you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
