Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
