Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
