We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
