If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
