i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Too much gin, very little bucket
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
