I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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