I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Randomize
