If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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