Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
