based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
