Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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