White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
