Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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