Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
