now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
