I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
