How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
