Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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