Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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