You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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