Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
