M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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