she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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