i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
