I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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