do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm too high and old for this...
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
