I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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