This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
