i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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