She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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