i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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