Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
