Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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