dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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