Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
third nipple confirmed
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
