yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
