I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
