i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
