Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
