i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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