His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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