Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
