so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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