I'm going to rape someone's good day.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize