My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
