Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
