maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
