He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
