Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
