My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize