so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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